Blondie

Oh phans of Phinny!

I am here to apologize profusely for my complete LACK of postings while Phinny remains puterless.

The lad asks me for ONE favor and what do I do? Well, nothing, obviously.

At least not in a timely manner.

It's just that I've been so bloody busy. And I can never concentrate when I'm NOT busy. Hell, my own blog is, as of late, a testament to the fact that I Can't Write Shite. It's because I've got the attention span of a 5 year-old on pop rocks.

So. I've got to actually WRITE something to post here, but know that I'm on the job (I do so sincerely hope this isn't a euphemism for something else in another country, because then that looks REALLY bad)!

Anyhoo. Hows about a quick tidbit while I get my brain into the proper frame of mind? Right!
The biggest weapon the H likes to wield is that of communication--that is the squashing of ANY communication/contact with the outside world. I believe Phinny has mentioned this previously (with regards to having people over). Indeed, during my own stay down there I learned this first hand.

'Oh, Typh? Just WHY do you have to call your mother/best friend/random operator who is just sane and will tell me it's not REALLY that bad everyday?'

And there was but ONE reason for my need to call home:

Because I would have offed myself otherwise!

That phone was my only means of keeping the frayed edges of my sanity from disappearing altogether. And she complained no end.

(It was not as if her phone were ringing off the hook. And they had call waiting. And it was unlimited long distance. Yet she always complained that somehow it was inconveniencing her)

Now she's trying to pull the same shit with my mother. First it was 'WHY must you talk to Typh every day?'

Then it was, 'You know I've got to pay for those calls!'

(My mother had been under the impression that the long-distance was still unlimited--and I think it was, actually. Especially since Ma made mention of perhaps paying her fair share upon viewing of a bill. Which, naturally, was never procured, probably because it was bullshit)

So. To cut out all the arguing and to remove all the possiblity of arguing, Ma did the smart thing. She bought a phone card. You know those clever little cards? Dial an 800 number, make your call and it deducts the minutes from your talk time?

Brilliant! It was the perfect solution!--or so she thought.

H catches her on the phone:

'You know those calls cost me money!'

Ma wielded her phone card and shouted 'Aha! I have beaten you! For I have this phone card, I dial an 800 number, and the call costs YOU nothing!'

But H banned her from using it anyway BECAUSE she knows things.

'Those things don't work and it is going to show up on my bill anyway because I've seen it happen before! Those cards are NOT free!'

Ok. Fine. I will ring down there (and, a course, Ma will use the calling card when no one is looking).

The other night, nine-ish, I call.

'Hi Ma!'

'Hi Typh!'

*general chit-chat ensues*

'Typh? She just told me to tell you not to call so late'

'What? It's nine-ish for gods sake! Since when is nine-ish too late? What's she a fucking geriatric now?'

'You know the deal-she just doesn't want me on the phone'

'Is she still awake?'

'Yes'

'Kids awake?'

'Yes'

'Then what's the problem? Jesus she's SUCH an asshole'

'God, yes'

The Plot Thickens

Apparently, according to what was said to my sister tonight, the ex has made the claim that the only reason I am still residing in her realm is because I have been threatening to blackmail her in regards to her relationship with my brother. Lo and behold, I, having only found out yesterday for certain that said relationship was fact and not rumor, must have managed to travel backwards in time to persue said blackmailing scheme. What a clever man I must be. Yes, I was blackmailing her with pure speculation and no actual knowledge. The fact that I had joked about it once when someone asked if she was porking the druncle is, in her twisted world, viewed as blackmail. If that's the case wheres my money? Shouldn't I be recieving retroactive blackmail payments? I mean if I really cared who was boinking who I'd have told her other ex-flame, the gangbanger, about her relationship with the druncle in NY and her former coworker in VA. But I myself have bigger fish to fry, wasting my time on he said she said teenage BS helps me none. I would never resort to blackmail, which is exactly why the audio I have of her admitting that I have lived in her house since my arrival in VA will not be used in such a manner but will be turned over to the proper agencies. I'm sure DCSE will be interested in hearing it and I guarantee you Social Services will come a knockin' at her door. See, she won't even know the audio files exist until she hears it in a courtroom and then finally maybe me and the kids can enjoy a little peace. As I had predicted, just like any other tyrant she will be her own undoing and I don't even have to extort or blackmail....I just have to wait for her paranoid delusions to do her in...

The Druncle and The Lich Queen

So at about 3:30 brother stumbles into house, rousing one and all from their slumber. Noise level even prompting phone call from resident landlord downstairs asking if someone is moving furniture (???). Yes, our family always wakes in the middle of the night to rearrange end tables and futons. Fact of the matter is brother had inadvertently smashed his drunken noggin into the hallway wall and family pooch had tripped up the old wooden stairs at the same time. Everyone begins to settle back down and I am about to go to store for smokes and coffee. Ex is laying on mattress with daughter and begins to whisper. She thinks everyone else is asleep. She begins telling daughter how things are going to change because she has dirt on the uncle, (The aforementioned drunken stumbler) And he is trying to blackmail her. What neither of the two idiots realize is that no one here cares that he slept with her. Nor do we care that they are about to wage war on each other. I stand in shadows and listen as ex launches into details about how she is going to report everything about my brother and make him look like a jackass. Why on earth she is talking about this with my 13 year-old daughter I will never know. Daughter is aware of my presence the whole time and does nothing to give away my position. Finally, mother nature calls and I have to give myself up. Ex gets extremely nervous and begins questioning how much I know. Actually, I knew nothing, anything I had up until tonight was rumor and speculation. And to be honest I don't care whether or not they bumped uglies. But now she is in mortal fear of me going to report to my brother her plan. She may as well forget that idea because when all is said and done this little personal crises of hers may finally provide me with enough to finally put her in her place and for me to really be able to have my kids without having to deal with the Lich Queen or the Druncle.

Driving Miss Crazy

Summer 2006...Exes mother now too sick to drive for daily shopping sprees. Sister is brought down again to be relief chauffer. Is constanly belittled by ex. Told that all the childrens personality flaws are from our side of family. Ex doesn't realize that children were fine before being forced to live in a household whose relations to the outside world is reminiscent of Japan's isolationist stance during the Tokugawa shogunate . Anyone caught talking about anything in regards to "Household issues" is chastised. Visitors are rare. (Only five people had visited at this point, all of them being exes siblings or my own. Any other persons visiting exes domicile are verboten .) Sister is constantly beleaguered by ex to drive her and her sickly mother here and there. The idea that my sister might need a few dollars here and there is frowned upon and anytime funds are given a lecture on financial prudency is given. This would be acceptable had the lecture not come from the two biggest shopaholics on the face of the earth. Sister finally gets fed up and with the assistance of one of her blog readers and his paypal donation escapes back to NY. Exes mother now critical. Ex has learners permit calls my mother back down, subjugates another family member once again. Keeps track of every expense. (Food, drink, toilet paper usage, etc., etc...) Mother schedules doctors appointment while helping ex and her mother and is summarily lambasted by ex for trying to steal the sympathy from exes mother. Her mother agrees that my mother going to see doctor while she is so sick is in poor taste. Soon the mother will pass and the power will shift...or so we thought...

The Final Straw

Yesterday...6:00 P.M.:Mother arrives at house with daughter and ex. Ex instantly begins screaming about how everybody better be ready to leave when she is. Daughter goes in exes room to burn CD for trip. (Son had been burning his own music, preventing daughter from taking care of hers.) Ex announces that she is ready to leave. I am looking for jacket that will provide some relative warmth in NY, son is finishing packing his clothes, daughter is still trying to burn CD. Ex goes out and starts car, begins to lean on horn. Knowing the child was not given enough time, I deliberately stall for time. (CD's for burning were not brought home until 4 P.M., son was burning his own music, daughter had gone to store with my mother, unaware that grandmother was going to pick up ex before returning home.)

Ex comes charging back into house. "I said let's f***ing go. I said I wanted to leave and if you ain't out in the f***ing car we're leaving you here." I whisper a silent prayer of thanks that I was in doorway of exes room when she came in otherwise things might have gotten uglier. Finally persuade daughter to give up music quest and come out to car. Get in car listen to 20 minute tirade about how she wanted to leave and how daughter had more than enough time to burn music. Kid is in tears, I try to explain lack of proper time to prepare music and am rebuffed as per usual. Ex continues to rag, kid continues to cry I try to reassure child and am accused of being to soft and told that she was raised to be hardened and that the child's crying should be stifled lest she be forced to pull off highway to "Kick her ass". (Considering I was in back seat, this event never would have occured. I have tanked for my daughter before and would have done it again.) Threat passes, silence ensues.

Drive for about two hours ex pulls off highway to get kid McDonalds. I see a Wawa and state that I would like to get a coffee. Ex deliberately passes Wawa and says "Oh, sorry missed driveway slot...No wait. I'm not sorry. F*** you and your f***ing Wawa." (Sidenote:As I am typing this sister called ex who is out at store with our mother and asked if she could pick up coffee for me and hot chocolate for her and is promptly berated for daring to ask for anything that has no direct relation to exes needs or wants.) We pull into McDonald's drive-thru child places order, ex pulls up to window.While being handed food she recieves text message. Hands the food to child and sits at drive-thru window texting in spite of the fact that there are others behind her in line. Curses as she has to move and curses again because the parking spot she wanted to pull into is now blocked by an old lady getting out of a car in the next spot. She demands to know why people insist on being in her way an angrily pulls into another spot. My mother announces she has to use facilities launching ex into another tirade about her time being wasted on our needs. Mother goes inside to take care of business, daughter announces that they have neglected to give her a straw for her shake. Ex declares that that is too bad and she'll have to suffer without. So I open my door and am asked "Where are you going now?" Upon hearing I am going to get the child a straw, she begins to utter a stream of profanities. Grab straw from inside go back out to car and am told that I better stop f***ing giving into that little bitch.

And she's going to wonder why when we get back to VA she's going to have a lot of explaining to do to a couple of agencies.

Ten Shillings and Six

Well! Phinny has politely asked ordered me--as only a sibling can order[via threats of baby pictures and the infamous Dog Poo Story]--to post in his stead while his puter is busy in Circuitorial Purgatory. Hopefully he can revive it, for I do not think I can post here like ALL the time because I would NEVER STOP WHINGING. Matters H*?--I'm well versed, me.

I'm going to TRY to write in the fashion he does--but I wouldn't hold my breath. I've got the attention span of a kindergarten class in a chocolate factory.

Onward!

Cancelling. And the H* Headfuck. This is the specialty of which we speak. Whenever there is a big event, you can be SURE it will be cancelled fifty-thousand times previous. This is fine for we adults--we can surely handle it, yes? Sort of. I suppose. Maybe?

It's truly bothersome, though, when its the kids heads that get put through the wringer.

Take for instance yesterday. Highness decides that yes minions! We shall travel for the Time of Yule! Oh. But guess what, even though we are going to see your father's family? He's not allowed to go. Because he doesn't have money for gas. So he is not permitted to set foot in the Royal Coach. Naturally the children have a fit--no Christmas with their Da? What's the point? And although I suspect that by now they KNOW its a headfuck--it's still got to be distressing. And, as we all knew would happen, Highness changed their mind at the last minute--what if the coach breaks down? We need a man there! So, Phinny is permitted to go, but only because it suits Her Needs. And there's the rub--if you can be useful to her MO, well that's fine and dandy. Otherwise? You're out of the picture.

This isn't a new thing, either. No no no. Heavens to Betsy, no.
There has been, over the years, a myriad of cancelled vacations, Christmases, Easters, and birthdays. ESPECIALLY birthdays. And any other fun holiday-type occasions.
We adults were the biggest idiots; we fell for this for AGES.

'Do what I say or I cancel XYZ!'

Example:

Childs birthday. Big backyard bash. Child is about to turn three-ish. Or four. It matters not because it happened every year anyway. All of us, save for Harpy, are busily setting up the yard for the Grand Event. We take a break. A face pops out of a window:

'What are you all doing?'

'Taking a rest-everythings on track though'

'Nothings going to be ready in time. Forget it! Child come up here. There isn't going to be a birthday party!'

Child in tears, the Voice Above commands us to Stop Working. We don't because by now we knew the deal.

'I don't know why you're doing all that! There's not going to be a birthday! I don't like the way it looks and it's not going to be perfect or ready on time the way I said it would! And you're not doing things exactly the way I told you to! I'm CANCELLING IT!'

We had it sorted by this point--we knew it wasn't going to be cancelled. It simply allowed Highness to luxuriate in the royal bed whilst the rest of us did the work.

Sure, we could have STOPPED doing the work, but that course of action always failed--we'd been there and done that with disastrous results. And what about the child who thinks the party isn't going to happen now?

You give them a wink, tell them there WILL be a party, and go in the house for now as you were told--it'll be ok--I promise. Our words, of course, were no comfort, because for the next 4.5 hours all the child would hear was how everything was ixnayed. No cake. No presents. No people. For added fun we would all be blamed 'Well if Aunt had done this or Uncle had done that! And grandmother didn't get the right BBQ sauce!' or something similarly silly.

No one was coming, as far as the child was concerned--their mother said so. And though we spoke the truth to the child, H*'s words were the one they heeded. Until the party started.

Then, as if earlier had never EVER happened, Highness trots in to the party. Greets and meets everyone and acts as if Everything is Perfect. Waves a hand in the air as if she were the one who'd done all the work, and then says to child with the tear-stained face 'I did this all for YOU'

And this, THIS is the beauty of the H* Headfuck. For all the hours of torture you just went through, every word, every threat, every repeated line of drivel--it all vanishes into thin air. For if she doesn't recall it, neither should YOU.

It doesn't work that way, though. It never will.


Typhoidmarie

Fall of the House...

Spring 2004...Situation now at fever pitch...still in car...wife stops paying rent to mother...her own mother now at house...has cancer..still calling shots..Stopped feeding into the verbal sparring at least ethnic wise...Racial slurs from both sides affecting children...Stupid and immature...now begin by using mythological reference instead...She is now dubbed "Harpy"...Still hear the word "Honky" consistently from both wife and mother...Not necesarrily in reference to myself but still in use...Boss is still taking his little side trips with girlfriend...workload doubles...Now doing routes AND doing his paperwork...Still on 19 hr a day schedule...Supervisor calls while I am in office...Out cold, didn't hear the phone...Boss charges in grabs me out of chair, pins me up against wall (Boss=@250 lbs goes to gym every day Me=140 lbs semi-malnourished)...Can't break loose...Place my thumbs in his eye sockets, he releases...One look at my face and he backs into a corner and tells me to calm down....Girlfriend begins recieving phone calls...Quickly turns off phone whenever it rings...Go to pick her up one day, she has no idea I'm there and she is arranging to meet someone else that night...Accusations fly, this too, soon will end...Mother loses house because wife wasn't paying rent...Bank forcloses everyone forced to relocate...

Summer 2004 Still at job doing paperwork, discover that boss has been submitting payroll with myself marked as working five days and himself working seven...Still takes orders from wife...Corporate comes in numerous times, not enough evidence nothing is done...Break-up with girlfriend...Wife's mother moves to Virginia...beats cancer...See ad for halliburton...driving trucks in Iraq for 100k a year....Wife is moving to Virginia with kids...So walk off job after submitting resume to KBR (Halliburton subsidiary)...HQ in Houston, figure I should go there to follow up...Wife finds out I quit job and now files for child support, wouldn't apply while I was working because she wouldn't get as much...Arrive in Houston, friend is supposed to wire money...Nope, never sends it...Now in Greyhound station with very little money...Forced to return to New York with head hung low in shame...Take up residence in mother's apartment with her my brother and my sister...I am informed landlord cannot know I am there, so I remain inside, lest she catch me leaving...Wife brings kids by to say goodbye to mother, aunt and uncle hates the fact that I am there too to say goddbye to kids...Kids are gone, job is gone,girlfriend is gone...Become a virtual hermit not setting foot outside for roughly five months...

Fall 2004 I am summoned to Virginia...wife has taken ill...her mothers cancer is back...they need help with kids...Go to Virginia stay until Decmeber or maybe January...Go back to New York...

Spring 2005 Taxtime, getting back final tax return need wifes signature to file...She says to come down to Virginia...File taxes sign divorce papers...Says if I give her $4000 out of the $8000 she will tell child support to take $4000 off my arrears...Agreed...Go to Virginia again...Stay in motel for a few days kids pester her into letting me stay in son's room...Give the $4000...Sign divorce papers...Remind ex about agreement...Oh, no, I spoke to child support and they said I don't have to apply it to your debt...Conned again...Leave Virginia yet again...back to New York...Late springtime...Recieve phone call daughters been acting up (Wonder why?)...Get down here or she goes to group home or gets put on meds...Go back to Virginia...Stay this time...

Summer 2005 Exes mother's cancer gets worse...I have no license...ex has no license...She calls my sister to come down and help...Sister comes down has no money (Can't work because of epilepsy)...Ex refuses to lend her money to return to New York once my sister decides she has had enough abuse...Report to child support that I now reside in Virginia...Have a support hearing in New York in December...Hard to find a job here struggling to survive...Sleeping on floor in son's room...Ex and mother go out shopping everyday,sister chauffers...(No exaggeration)...

Fall 2005 Sister escapes back to New York...I call child support ask if I still have court date in New York...They call New York and say no, since I now live in Virginia the case up there will not be heard...I double check call New York family court recieve same respone...Have my sister, who has returned there, to check in person...Same answer...

Winter 2005 Uneventful...Until end of December...Recieve offical NYS court document saying that since I failed to appear(???) a default judgement has been issued against me...I now owe $646 a month for the past year and a half...They inform me the settlement is based on past income...Ex assures me I can go for a review when I get a job here...

Spring 2006 Get a job at warehouse...tell ex I am going for review...She reneges on deal says if I go for review she will throw me out of house...65% of my check now goes to child support...

(Example:This past pay period:Gross pay:628.40 Net pay after support, taxes, insurance and $18 for 401k:118.23)